It is inevitable that you give financial aid to your mother, brothers, and sisters when you have money. It was the culture of our communities for a long time in low-income families and if the father is not here, it was not unusual for the son to take over the responsibility of the household. Then our community was in trouble in our country; the people had to flee the country because they could be tortured or killed for no reasons. There were significant issues between these two communities and for that lots of innocent people got caught in the trouble, lots and lots of people left the country. If a family has two daughters and a son, the parents will borrow some money from somewhere and send their child abroad for two reasons, one for safety reason and the other to make the money as they would have lost everything in the war and support the family. When this young man arrives in a new country he will have language problem; he might have to spend time in learning the language, then he has to find a job. As he wouldn’t have had the previous work experience, he might have needed to do some training to get a paid job or to get a lower paid job to support himself. He wouldn’t have got any help from the government of the particular country due to the visa issue.
Financial aid to your mother.
It is crucial for a family member to look after the other officers of the family and help them to their progress and happiness. When you manage to earn some money, the mother will ask you to settle that debt she incurred on your behalf when she paid for your travel ticket. It is inevitable that you make her debut as she will have no way of paying it back. A mother has significant responsibilities in supporting the children in every way; and also a mother is never selfish, it is understandable that she will go for help from one of her children to sort out other kids’ problems. Then she will go back to the child who can find some money to support the other members of the family for all types of financial help and in their minds that you will appear to be their bank.
Financial Aid for big brothers and sisters.
In case the family has two sons, and the youngest son may be more educated than the big brother, the family will choose the younger brother to go abroad. So, you as a younger brother will start giving financial aid to your big brother and sister if you have one.
It will go on for years and years, but no one will show you any gratitude except and they will become spenders in their countries by living a high lifestyle. When the people see the money coming in like this, they fail to realize the value of it as they have not gone to work in their life. The mothers care for their daughters more, because of that the parents expect the son to finance the sister’s lavish lifestyle and also the young man is supposed to offer a huge financial help towards their sister’s marriages. Some younger brothers get into some bad habits that could affect them seriously and have some underlying issues like, anxiety, depression or addiction, this happens because they get too much money to the hands at the wrong age. When this younger brother realizes his condition, he might blame the brother for giving him the money without disciplining him.
His family puts all the burden on him; he feels reluctant to tell the family about his difficulties in finding that sort of money. And also another reason, he has seen the challenges that his family was going through during the difficult times, and he doesn’t want to open his mind to them declaring his issues, thinking that they will get hurt. To continue his support for the family regardless of whether he has the money or not, some young men force themselves into awkward situations of dishonesty in making the money and getting into bad credit situation. As the time goes, he will get used to the bad way of making the money and finally falls into all sorts of problems in the country where he is living. Some people get evicted from the country and go back home or they try and escape to another country.
Business help for friends.
I have seen families helping friends financially and later they fall into serious debt problems as their friend has not paid back the money that they borrowed. In fact, there was a family every one of them committed suicide, as they got cheated by the friend after borrowing huge amount of money. It is not easy to trust anyone as far the money is concerned, therefore you need to stay within limits and should not affect you at any time because assisted someone financially.
The way to keep the situation under control, you need to maintain the boundaries for you and also you got to make sure that the spending habits of your family members are within a limit. After a limit, you got to realize that there is no point in feeling sorry for them and you got to open your mind and kept them informed that you cannot fund their unwanted lavish lifestyle. You will be doing them a favour in the long run by helping them to stop this destructive behaviour. Advise them that they should save the money for the emergencies without taking for granted that they will get the money from whatever happens to you. Teach them the value of the money and the difficulties everybody faceting to make that money. You got to realize, that helping your family is different from allowing them to take advantage of you
How you learn to protect yourself
Now you have helped your family and that you must be feeling that you have left with nothing and if I marry how am I going to look after my partner. All these issues will begin to worry you; you will start to regret and you will have left alone without the emotional support. So, now it is your turn to make the money and keep it for yourself and eventually find a partner to get settled down. But, I am sure that you will continue to give financial aid to your mother and at the same, you have to look after your children and you will belong to the sandwich generation community.
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